


Wipeout (The Accidentally Evil Remix)

by celli



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, M/M, land sharks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 21:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celli/pseuds/celli
Summary: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" the evil genius shrieked."Stop apologizing, McKay, you're evil!" John shouted back. "Exhibit A:attack by land shark!""I'm only accidentally evil!"





	Wipeout (The Accidentally Evil Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HYPERFocused](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Wipeout!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12570208) by [HYPERFocused](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/pseuds/HYPERFocused). 

> Thanks to H for a speedy and good-humored beta and to the people who cheered me on!

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" the evil genius shrieked.

"Stop apologizing, McKay, you're evil!" John shouted back. "Exhibit A: _attack by land shark_!"

"I'm only accidentally evil!"

* * *

It all started when they found about the hitchhiker aboard the _Deaedalus_. 

"Dr. Rodney McKay," Col. Sumner said grimly. "Former member of the Stargate project until he was let go in disgrace. Too many cockamamie ideas."

"Too many cockamamie ideas on a project focused on alien technology…?" John asked. Sumner threw a quelling glance at him, but John hadn't survived this long as second in command of the Atlantis expedition without learning how to ignore Sumner's contempt. "I'm just saying, he managed to stow away on the ship, get to the city, dial the gate, and get out. Sounds like a genius to me. Evil, but a genius.”

“Nobody’s denying that,” Elizabeth said with a long-suffering look John would get to know well when McKay was the topic of conversation.

“Take care of it, Sheppard,” Sumner said, and stalked out of the room, leaving John to gape at Elizabeth behind him.

* * *

John attacked the problem by retracing McKay’s steps through the security systems of both Atlantis and the _Deaedalus_. When all that got him was extra confirmation of the genius part of evil genius, he turned to tracking McKay’s progress _out_ of the Stargate program.

“He was never the same after my promotion,” Dr. Kavanaugh said from where he and Zelenka were tinkering with something that didn’t look like it was going well. “Kept coming up with wilder and wilder ideas, and when I shot them down, like a responsible supervisor should, he blew up half the lab and stormed out.”

Behind Kavanaugh, Zelenka rolled his eyes.

“Kavanaugh’s stupid experiment blew up lab. Rodney tried to warn us,” he whispered to John in the mess line. “I cannot prove it, but I have no doubt.”

John thought about it that night, lying on his sleeping bag in the mess hall with the Marines as the lights flickered on and off, cycling through their half-charged ZPM’s nightly brown-out. He’d probably become an evil genius, too, if he had to work for Kavanaugh - he darted a glance towards Sumner’s tent. But what the hell did McKay _want_ in the Pegasus galaxy?

* * *

The honest truth was, McKay wasn’t causing enough trouble to be John’s first priority. They dealt with everything from losing soldiers and scientists to negotiating wins and failures. John was busy trying to help Elizabeth and try not to kill Kavanagh and McKay wasn’t really...doing anything, just hanging out on an otherwise deserted planet and not even monologuing over the comms anymore now that Zelenka had rigged up the blocker to McKay World, er, M6H-536. (Recordings of his greatest hits, especially the one where he called Kavanaugh a “wanna-be dictator with the forceful personality of a cup of hot cocoa,” could be acquired if you bribed a scientist with enough contraband, but John had security clearance, he didn’t need to bother.) John didn’t exactly forget about him, but he wasn’t actively pursuing him right at this very moment.

And then the land shark attacked.

* * *

“We’re not calling it a land shark!” Sumner yelled, firing again.

John ducked the spray of blood from the left - fin-leg? leg-fin? - and fired as well. “It’s a mutated shark that walks on land. What are you going to call it?”

“Nothing out of a _Saturday Night Live_ sketch!” Kavanaugh shrieked. “McKay’s trying to kill me, why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

Carson looked up from where he was bandaging Kavanagh’s leg. “The lad’ll live,” he said.

“I’m thrilled.” John aimed carefully just below the, the jaw-chin, and hit a soft spot. The land shark went down with a meaty thump.

“Sheppard...” Sumner began through clenched teeth.

“On it!” John snapped out, because attacking Kavanaugh was only a little bit funny, and attacking Atlantis was a big damn deal. “Someone dial McKay World, please?” He grabbed the extra gun Lorne tossed him and vanished through the wormhole.

As it closed behind him, Zelenka bent down and pulled a small recording device out of the wreckage surrounding the land shark. “I wonder…” he said quietly.

* * *

John swam back to consciousness as an agitated voice demanded, “Major Sheppard? Major Sheppard? Wake up, come on, nobody’s going to believe me if I tell them I didn’t kill you.”

“Not dead?” John slurred. He focused as much as possible on the face above his, familiar from long hours of security checks and amateur profiling. “Calm down, McKay.”

He only realized Dr. McKay had been cradling his head in his hands when the man let go and John’s head bounced off the floor. “I will _not_ calm down! I just watched you wade through a platoon of hypermutated ground sharks!”

“Just call them land sharks, it’s easier,” John said, rubbing the back of his head. Something in his leg was sending up warning signs, but he was a pro at ignoring warnings.

“I will not name a species after a comedy--”

“You know, that’s what Kavanaugh said.”

“Fine, land sharks,” McKay snapped.

“It’s not so hard. Just aim right beneath the chin-jaw looking thing and they go down like so much sushi.”

McKay’s eyes darted around the small dark room. “Do you, ah, need a gun for that plan to work?”

“You lost my guns?”

“Oh, forgive me if I was a little busy pulling your Atlantean ass out of trouble to reach for--”

“You lost my _guns?”_

“I had to prioritize--”

“Goddammit, McKay, I’m bleeding on your floor and you’re arguing about--”

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" the evil genius shrieked.

"Stop apologizing, McKay, you're evil!" John shouted back. "Exhibit A: _attack by land shark_!"

"I'm only accidentally evil!"

* * *

This went on for a while.

* * *

“So let’s review,” John said eventually. “You came here to save the expedition with your genius brain and got, what, distracted into sending anti-Kavanaugh propaganda messages?”

“Would you blame me?” Rodney - er, McKay - pointed. “Aha, I saw that expression! But no, that was just my side project. Honestly, if you would have just listened to the message I sent through you would have gotten all this, since you were dumb enough to block my communications in the first place.”

“We were busy,” John said patiently, “with the land shark.”

“Which snuck through! My hand to Heisenberg.”

John really wished he could get up and pace, but even if he didn’t have a poorly bandaged leg wound, McKay apparently lived in a tiny dungeon already occupied with a stack of MREs and half a dozen laptops. Not helpful. “So your main project was, let me guess, _not_ mutating sharks?”

McKay just stared at him. “I’m a _physicist_, not a biologist, and also that’s a stupid idea.”

“My bad.”

“Why are the hot ones always dumb?” McKay asked the ceiling.

“Why are the hot ones always evil?” John asked the spot next to it.

McKay jerked, stared at John, then jumped to his feet. “Would an evil genius be trying to bring _these_ back to Atlantis?” he asked, yanking open a door John hadn’t even noticed between the yelling and the concussion.

Four fully charged ZPMs glowed out at him.

John gaped. A defense shield for the city. Power for the short-range ships they’d found. Individual rooms. _Hot water._

McKay stomped back to John and stared down at him. “Well, what do you have to say to th--mmf!” he ended as John yanked him off his feet and down to kissing level.

* * *

Multiple land sharks, some judiciously placed explosions, and a gate journey later, John stood between Rodney and a whole lot of armed Marines. “Elizabeth, may I present to you Rodney McKay, reformed evil genius,” he said.

McKay drew in a deep breath to speak; John lovingly covered his mouth.

“You can’t--” Kavanaugh and Sumner began at the same moment.

“Maybe I can’t,” John said, “but I think you’ll find that four well-charged, well-hidden ZPMs can.”

Somewhere in the knot of scientists, there was a faint cheer. Kavanaugh turned purple.

John smiled beatifically.


End file.
